So I am sitting looking out my window at a chipmunk running around and these beautiful birds eating the birdseed I put out for them. My youngest son’s bday is Saturday he will be 6 and I just got to thinking about my journey so far in my life and I really felt the need to give god praise and glory. At 22 I did not see me ever being a 42 yr old woman I honestly just thought I would be dead by now. The fear, the pain, and the sadness I felt, I figured if something or someone did not kill me then I would stop it all myself before I was 40. It is sad to say but that was how twisted I was in a life full of suffering. I knew as a young teen what I wanted to be in life but I was always lead another way or pulled back and stomped on. I tried to stay strong through my sexual,emotional, and physical abuse but I had built a strong fear of a lot of things in life and that kept me from doing things I needed to do. I guess from all the fear and my abuser who was my uncle/ stepdad (I will tell that story later) by my later teen years I was just so terrified of so much stuff that I was so so angry inside at everyone. I did not want to date I did not want to be done wrong, I was 5 ft 100 lbs and was always looking for a fight. I did not want a friend cause they would screw you somehow. I went from being popular and a cheerleader to severe isolation except for my abusive family. I just could not change or fix my life it meant nothing to me so I was tired of feeling that way. My family was full of addicts alcohol and drugs so I decided it was time for me to be apart of it and maybe I can be happier . To be continued I am getting to the praising part.