So I am going to finish my story on praising god in my messes. I left off at deciding to drink and do drugs. I was willing to do whatever to feel a little bit of relief from my pain. I was 24 when I decided to be an addict.So for the next 10 to 12 years I remained just as miserable but on top of the problems I had before I now was an alcoholic and drug addict. I intentionally put my self in positions to be hurt or killed because that was what I really thought I wanted and I tried to take my own life 5 times from the time I was 12 until I was 36. I chose to be with men who disrespected and abused me.
I gave birth for the first time at 17 by my uncle who abused me. I had no choice of abortion (not sure if I would have). He got me pregnant again when he was drunk and reaped me right after my 18th bday and yes I chose to have an abortion without him knowing (lord forgive me) I had got pregnant during my addiction chasing but I was going to raise him but it turned out to be a girl I was so messed up with what I went through as a girl I could not raise her so I give her up for adoption. These are things that have given me so much pain til I found Jesus in my life and now this is my story I find strength in everything that I have been through. So back to my story I decided I was tired of being alone but I was a heavy drinker and this guy basically found me on the side of the road and I thought he was my saviour . I did not know much about him but I got pregnant so I wanted to be married before the baby was born. Well we were married I quit drinking since I was pregnant. We were always fighting I was so mean and stayed angry all the time. We were together about 2 yrs and I was working 3rd shift he would babysit. I got a call at work from the police that they was trying to arrest him and he was in our home with the baby and would not come out. So I came home got him out of the house and they arrested him for holding a gun on a prostitute and not paying her. Apparently he had been messing with some of them before I came in the picture but long story short he went to prison for attempted rape (that is the man I chose for a husband after what happened to me as a girl). ………… Let’s say I had a severe mental breakdown and started drinking again and this time I had even more anger and hatred toward men and women. I really was trying to tempt death all the time. I ended up going to jail for 5 mos for retaliation on a prostitute. My mom took responsibility for my son so I would not lose him. So life kept going on of course I met another guy we went to school together. I was honest with him about my miserable life as I was drinking when he met me but he was just taking a few pills. Well we got tired of the pills and decided to get clean. That was 7 years ago.
Well I am done with explaining the junk in my life but still to come my praising part. Later